fashion 101

{editorial} How To: Be a Bitch

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Being a bitch {more in fashion} is not easy, but there come times when you’ve got to step up to the bitch plate. It’s not about being a bad person, because that’s easy to hate. It’s about making others want to hate you, while not being able to get enough of you at the same time.

Here are some ways to get you started for when that bitchy time comes.

Lesson One, Communication: Forget the words “please” and “thank you”, they are not in a bitch’s dictionary. Bitches don’t ask, they demand. Never politely attempt to wrap up conversations — simply stop listening. Rarely make eye contact with anyone — a bitch always has someone to text. Return texts at random. Never remember anyone. Never answer your phone but scream at anyone who doesn’t answer your call the first time. Whenever someone compliments what you’re wearing, immediately reply with “It’s Prada” — you know more than they do. If you must give a compliment, contrast it with a “but”.

Lesson Two, Gracing Others with Your Presence: When you go out to events, make sure you always look miserably bored by the unimportant people around you, and stay on your phone. If you smoke, smoke where ever you want, obviously never asking first. If you don’t make sure to give a snarling look to those who are —but for just a moment, as that’s all you’ll have time to give them. Never wait in line. If your friends aren’t let in, leave them standing outside. Never pay for drinks, but make sure to complain about how awful the free drinks are. When you hear someone say “we have margaritas,” scream “we have champagne.” And when someone walks by who thinks they’re important, be sure to look right past them.

Thanks, bitch.

{By Tomm Zorn Image Via Eric Thayer
Categories: fashion 101.

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